Monday, September 30, 2013

Happy Blogiversary!

This week marks the one year anniversary of me consistently posting nonsense on the Internet. Hooray.

To celebrate my first blogiversary, I'm going to re-post some of my favorite and most read posts from the past year. Yeah, it's a pretty lazy celebration, but I'll use any excuse to not do stuff.

Today it will be the very first post I ever wrote: Curiosity Made the Cat Flash her Boobs to the Class. Enjoy.

Curiosity Made the Cat Flash her Boobs to the Class

When I was a senior in college, I took a class called Wilderness Survival Skills with my roommate, John. The first day of class was held at a lake outside of town where we spent the day tipping over canoes to practice rescues. After class I needed to change out of my soaking wet clothes, but the only bathroom was a cinder block shack with no door and no roof. I decided not to set foot inside for fear of tripping over a dead hooker and falling onto a pile of used syringes. Instead, I waited for everyone else to leave so I could just change outside of John's truck, where I was far less likely to contract hepatitis.

I got my jeans changed and everything was going according to plan as I peeled off my wet shirt and bra. And then it happened. John, standing watch at the back of his truck, shouted "Oh, shit!" Naturally, I turned around to see just what John was "oh shitting" about. The shuttle van that was carrying about 70% of the class was pulling back into the parking lot.

For a second or two, I stood frozen like a deer in headlights. A deer who was butt-ass naked from the waist up. I finally snapped out of it and scrambled to cover myself. I grabbed my dry t-shirt from the truck and threw it over my head. But because I was both wet and stupid with panic, I got stuck. In my t-shirt. So there I was bending and lurching as I tried to wriggle my shirt over my face. It was not at all graceful, and I'm sure my boobs were flopping around in the least attractive flesh ballet of all time.

On the drive back to town, I tried to convince myself that this was not grounds for suicide. "There's a chance they didn't even notice me, right?"

John, who is always terribly honest, told me the truth. "No, they stopped to watch."

Moral of the story? Flashing a large group of people won't always make you as popular as you might expect.

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