Thursday, October 24, 2013

Lying is Fun, but Risky. Like Guns.



One of my coworkers went to see a financial advisor a while back. And when she left, she gave the guy my name and number for a referral or whatever. And now I hate that bitch. (Just kidding. Mostly.)

So this financial advisor guy eventually called me up, and I fucked with him the entire time. When he asked about my current assets, I told him I only felt comfortable disclosing what I report to the IRS. When he asked what my financial goals are, I told him my plan was to pull the plug some day soon and go completely off the grid. He thought that might limit my investment options a bit.

At the end of our conversation, he asked me to set up an appointment to meet with him in person. While I clearly have no problem lying to strangers, I cannot, no matter what, say no to them. But I obviously couldn't meet with this guy, since I had just spent a solid twenty minutes telling him nothing but lies. So I told him I'd call him in a week or so. I did not intend to call him, and I figured he might try back once or twice, and I would ignore him, and that would be that.

Fast forward six months and he is still calling me. And I am still avoiding the calls. Most of the time. Every once in a while he calls me at work and I accidentally answer before I recognize the number. Then I get caught in a painful circle of excuses and more lies, and tentatively scheduled appointments that I always cancel.

When my coworker recently went back for a follow up meeting with him, I begged her to tell him that I died. She would not. I know; some people are just the worst.


8 comments:

apartment-wife.com said...

"When he asked about my current assets, I told him I only felt comfortable disclosing what I report to the IRS" - hilarious. i would have loved to be sitting in your kitchen when you had this phone call :)

Marie Muenchow said...

I think I might have a problem. Sometimes lies just start coming out of my mouth before I even realize it's happening!

Kris Whittlef said...

HA ha ha ha ha hAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Megan Smith said...

ha. I love tales about lying

Marie Muenchow said...

Thanks, Kris.

Marie Muenchow said...

Megan likes tales about lying because they are essentially talks about her life.

Amanda said...

For the record you told me I could give him your number. I had no clue he'd call you more than he calls me. Apparently once you've given him all your money he wants nothing to do with you anymore. So maybe you should do that.

Marie Muenchow said...

Sounds like a fair trade.