Thursday, October 3, 2013

Happy Blogiversary! Part 4

This week marks the one year anniversary of me consistently posting nonsense on the Internet. Hooray.

To celebrate my very first blogiversary, I'm going to re-post some of my favorite and most read posts from the past year. Yeah, it's a pretty lazy celebration, but I'll use any excuse to not do stuff.

Today it will be Make Them Boys Holla. Enjoy.

Make Them Boys Holla

This weekend I went to a bachelorette party for one my very best friends, Jess. We rented a bus and went to a bunch of tiny farm town bars up north. And in some sort of Mary Magdalene miracle, one of the bars we went to was holding a bikini contest. It was ridiculous, and gross, and awesome.

First of all, we were in a town called Nimrod, population 69. So I'm sure you can imagine the caliber of talent we were seeing. Also, if I remember correctly (but with all the vodka sloshing around that night, there's a good chance I don't), the stage was made of plywood and round bales.

Seven or eight contestants came out all slicked up in baby oil and showed of their sluttiest dance moves, grinding all over each other in front of a bunch of people who probably know their parents. One girl flashed nipple. She didn't win.

I mostly just wanted to talk each and every one of those girls into enrolling at community college.

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