Wednesday, October 24, 2012

If I Ever Have a Child, You Should Probably Contact the State

A lot of my friends have babies.  This amazes me.  I am so not ready to be responsible for keeping another human being alive.


--     I recently found an unexplained shard of glass in my underwear drawer.
--     I've lived in my home for three years.  The front door is currently on its fourth lock.
--     I had a key to the mailbox for exactly one week after we bought the place.  Then I lost it forever.
--     I often can't remember if I actually already fed the dog or just thought about doing it.
--     The last time I cleaned my car, I found a champagne glass, an unidentified pill, and a kitchen knife.

I will not be offended if you never ask me to babysit.


Tessa B said...

Since I've been busy popping out kids the last couple of years, I'm somewhat of an expert on this parenting gig. I'll fill you in on my secrets.

Turn the TV to Nick Jr. Pour a glass of wine. And.........done for the night. ;)

Marie Muenchow said...

So the key to successful child rearing is alcohol? Got it.

Tessa B said...

You have to find the right balance, though. Too much alcohol and you start right over again.