Wednesday, November 27, 2013

It's the Little Things

With Thanksgiving just a day away, I can't help but think about all the wonderful things in my life for which I am thankful. This year, I think I'll focus on all of those everyday, easy-to-ignore, little things that make me smile inside.

  • Cracking that thin layer of ice on the sidewalk
  • Shuffling through piles of fallen leaves
  • When dogs growl and run in their sleep
  • The smell of coffee
  • The smell of books
  • Waking up and seeing that there are still several hours before the alarm goes off
  • Flipping the pillow over to the cold side
  • Getting the new issue of National Geographic in the mail each month
  • Getting anything in the mail that isn't junk or bills
  • Licking the spoon after baking
  • Watching my dog lose his mind every single time I come home
  • Realizing it's a pamphlet, not a parking ticket

Now that I'm thinking about it, there are literally a hundred more things I could add to this list. I'll just stop here and be thankful for how generally awesome life is most of the time.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

This Weekend I... Volume 20

This weekend I... went out for drinks with some of my old co-workers. It was so good to see everyone again; it's a lot more fun to down vodka with them than work on orders. It was admittedly kind of weird and a little sad at times thinking about probably never seeing some of them again. Plus, I'm not really crazy about other people's feelings, but we mostly kept it cool, so that was good.

This weekend I... spent nine hours at the bar in my home town. The highlight was bar bingo. First my sister won, then the boyfriend won, then I won. The boyfriend and I figured we were having a lucky day, so we bought some pull tabs. And then we promptly lost a third of our bingo winnings.

This weekend I... watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas (and was shocked, as I am every single year, when I saw that it is only 30 minutes long). But I am now officially in the holiday spirit. I might jump the gun by a few days and put up Christmas lights tomorrow. Then it will only be a matter of time before I start asking the boyfriend if we can open presents early this year.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

My Inner Glutton

I have a confession to make. My absolute favorite food of all time is Hostess Sno Balls. I know, I'm gross. But oh my God, they are so good. My whole mouth is seriously filling up with saliva right now just thinking about them.

But sadly, I almost never eat them. It's been years since I've had a Sno Ball. (Though sometimes I stand in the snack aisle at gas stations for really long time and and just look at them.)

Anyway, I refuse to eat them as an adult because I'm fully aware of how gross they are. I'm pretty sure the main ingredients are cellulite and diabetes. Okay, that part was an exaggeration, but two of these delectable little angel pillows do have eleven teaspoons of sugar in them. (So I guess the diabetes part wasn't too far off.)

They are, however, dusted with toasted coconut, so... protein?

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Remember how you spent so much time with your best friend in high school that their parents basically became your parents, too? For me, that was my BFF Jess and her mom (whom we call Lil' D).

So one afternoon back in the day, I attended a BBQ with Jess and Lil' D for the hospital where Lil' D worked. Jess and I spent most of the day being awesome and detached teenagers. We sat on the lawn, probably talking about American Eagle, trying to look bored. Picking through the grass, Jess stumbled upon a four-leaf clover and plucked it out. I was excited too, and asked if I could see it.

"No," she said. "I don't trust you."

Those might seem like harsh words for a best friend, but she was totally right. I'm kind of a fuck up sometimes (I've lost things in my own pockets before), and I am really not to be trusted.

Anyway, Jess decided she wanted to keep her four-leaf clover, so we went to Lil' D's car to find a safe place to keep it. In the car Jess found an envelope in which to store her find. She was about to seal it up when I just could not take it anymore. I wanted to see that fucking four-leaf clover.

So I snatched the envelope from her hand. Jess tried to take it back, so I flung my arm behind my head. And then I dropped it. I dropped the still open envelope out the window and into the grass. And of course the clover fell out. I tried to find it, for a really long time, but it was a lost cause.

I guess the moral of this story is don't ever let me hold your baby.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

This Weekend I... Volume 19

This weekend I... went to a friends-giving party on Saturday. The boyfriend made those seasoned oyster crackers Friday night for us to bring. But on Saturday morning we had to go out and buy all the ingredients again because someone (me) ate over half the batch the night before.

This weekend I... did some target shooting at Bill's Gun Range.

The boyfriend recently got a .357 from his dad and we needed to break it in. I was really worried about the kick since that's a bigger gun than I'm used to, but it wasn't bad at all. Plus, they had zombie targets.

I LOVE shooting guns. (I guess I probably shouldn't write that on the Internet. Hi, NSA!)

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

How I Know My Parents Never Loved Me

As a kid I was constantly complaining about one of two things: being bored or being hungry. And for as long as I can remember, whenever I whined about being hungry, my parents would automatically suggest a grilled cheese sandwich. Every single time. (I bet if I went to their house right now and said I was hungry, it'd be seconds before someone would recommend one of those pseudo sandwiches.)

This in spite of the fact that I had told them, at least a million times each, that I do not like grilled cheese sandwiches. A grilled cheese sandwich is like a fake out meal. It's an almost sandwich. Bread and cheese; okay, you're off to a good start. But why, for the love of God, do you stop there? Why would you purposely leave out the turkey, or the ham, or the bacon, or the spinach, or the onions, or the avocado, etc. ad infinitum?

I clearly feel strongly about the issue. And yet my parents refused to acknowledge life choices.

There is another travesty from my childhood that involves food. On more than one occasion when I asked what was for supper, one or both of my parents would get all excited to tell me we were having tacos. Then I would have to remind them that they were confusing me with my sister. She was the one who likes tacos, whereas I find them to be the only meal worse than grilled cheese.

I know, I know. I've traveled down some pretty dark roads in my life. But try not to feel too bad for me. Those experiences have made me who I am today.

Monday, November 11, 2013

This Weekend I... Volume 18

This weekend I... turned into a 1950s housewife. I was home all day with nothing to do on Friday, so I cleaned the house, got prettied up, and had dinner ready for the boyfriend when he got home from his business trip. It would have been better if I had martinis. Damn it. I should have had martinis.

This weekend I... headed up to my dad's hometown for a family get together. We had a couple of birthdays and an engagement to celebrate. I love my family and any excuse to drink on a Sunday, so it was a good day.

Me and some ladies with whom I share varying amounts of DNA. Love them.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Security Breach, the Prequel; I Guess

So, on Tuesday I told you about the time that weird ghost guy popped in through our balcony door. After that post, my sister reminded me that we actually had another security breach at our place one time.

This one happened shortly after the boyfriend and I moved in. It was, like, 2:00 in the morning and we were both asleep. Then the boyfriend suddenly woke up; he thought he heard a noise. He listened for a second and then heard footsteps in the hallway. Then he saw someone walk past the bedroom door.

He got up and shouted something to the effect of, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Turns out it was just some drunk guy. He was trying to stumble to his way into his buddy's condo to sleep it off, but he got the numbers mixed up. Totally harmless.

And, yes, the front door was unlocked. I assume that was my fault. The boyfriend probably asked if I had locked it, and I probably said yes without one hundred percent paying attention to what he said. That's a pretty common explanation for a lot of the crap that happens to me. Though I contend that ghosts could be responsible for some of that stuff.

P.S. I am such a freakishly deep sleeper that I only found out about both of these events the next day when the boyfriend described them to me. So who knows how many times similar things have happened when he was out of town.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Security Breach

The building I live in is haunted. There's this guy on my floor who is undoubtedly a ghost. He's strange, and quiet, and never makes eye contact with anyone. I've ridden the elevator with him almost every morning for the past four years, and he has only spoken to me twice. So he is obviously the spirit of dead man. Obviously.

And his powers must be getting stronger because he's not just lurking around his own apartment anymore.

One night a little while back, the boyfriend was sitting in the living room watching tv, when all of a sudden the dog perked up and starting barking like a crazy person. That's when he saw a figure out on the balcony. The boyfriend jumped up and threw open the door, ready to protect his cave I guess. Luckily, he recognized the mysterious intruder before throwing a punch and ending up in jail or something.

Yup. It was our weird ghost neighbor. He walked in, mumbled something about his keys, walked right past the boyfriend, and went down the hallway and out the door.

Weirdest breaking and entering ever.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

This Weekend I... Volume 17

This weekend I... think I might have become white trash. I quit my job on Thursday. (It's a good story. I'll tell you someday.) So I am officially unemployed right now. Also, one of the headlights on my car is currently burnt out. I know, right? I am a trashy person now. It's just a matter of time before I'm shopping for oversized Garfield t-shirts.

This weekend I... went up to my home town. One of the bars we frequent up there waited until this weekend to have their Halloween party, so some friends and I got drunk in costume. Fun.

I dressed as a ballerina. My sister told me to look graceful like a dancer. So I went on my tippy toes and tried to keep a straight face. She managed to take this picture half a second before I rolled an ankle and fell to the floor.