Happy Stabiversary

Every year we celebrate my buddy John's stabiversary. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Three years ago, John was walking home from the bar, just minding his own business, when all of a sudden some hoodlum showed up and demanded his wallet. Being pretty drunk, and therefore brave and strong, John declined. That's when the hoodlum whipped out a kitchen knife and stabbed John in the arm, shoulder, and head. (Seriously, just totally stabbed in the head.) But the joke was on him since, being the end of the night, John probably had a total of three crumpled up one dollar bills in his wallet.

Anyway, John passed out from the blood loss and the drunkenness. And the hoodlum went a couple blocks up the street and stabbed another guy over his wallet. Luckily, that guy must have been less drunk, because he maintained consciousness and was able to call for help. John eventually woke up and staggered toward the flashing lights, and then asked if the ambulance could give him a ride home. Luckily, the EMTs were less drunk too, because they brought him to the hospital instead where he got a shit load of stitches.

Then he called his sister and said, "So, I guess I got stabbed. Don't tell Mom and Dad, okay?"