Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Pink Flamingo Strangle Hold



Lately I've been obsessed with the idea of strangling a flamingo. Not in a violent way or anything. I'm just pretty sure that I already know exactly what their necks feel like based on the pictures I've seen. (A boa constrictor wrapped in a teddy bear, obviously.) And now I'm really curious if I'm right.  And in this case, there's really only one way to be sure.

You just can't sneak up on this shifty-eyed son of a bitch.
The unfortunate part is that, also based on the pictures I've seen, I'm also pretty sure that flamingos have talon-like razor hooks for beaks. And super bendy necks (like a snake, as noted above).  Flamingos seem weirdly prepared to defend themselves against a strangle ambush.  Two well placed slashes with its weapon face and I'd be turning doorknobs with my feet for the rest of my life.

But I guess we have to take risks in life if we want to reach our goals.

3 comments:

Tessa B said...

I have a feeling they're going to have a picture of you in all Florida airports on their no fly lists.

Marie Muenchow said...

I'm sort of surprised they still let me cross state lines.

Tessa B said...

Up first, get voting figured out. Next, secure boarders against Marie.