Want to See Inside My Brain?

I can't think of anything to write about, so here is a sampling of the totally random thoughts rolling around inside my head:


-- I could lose my entire left arm and probably not even notice.

-- They always say the key to happiness is doing what you love. As a 29 year old white girl from Minneapolis, it's going to be really hard to become a rapper. So, shit.

-- I have literally never washed my car. That's not a point of pride or anything, just a lazy, terrible fact.

-- I once had a dream that I was in a porno out of desperation and necessity. The director kept telling me, "It's never going to be sexy if you won't stop crying."

--The greatest thing I've ever done for anyone was introducing the boyfriend to sweatpants. He had never owned any before I convinced him to buy a pair; and obviously, his life hasn't been the same.

-- I am ridiculously bad at both tin foil and Saran wrap. Like, laughably bad. It's probably my biggest weakness. Can I start using that for job interviews?

-- When I have a lot of ones in my wallet, I worry that people will think I'm a stripper.