Scottish Carols Are Everybody's Favorite

With the year's end quickly approaching, I'm tempted to look inside myself and identify areas that I strive to improve in 2013. That sounds hard. Instead I'll think about changes that other people should make.


--Lindsay Lohan: Get it together. Cool it on the coke, get a job at a bank or something, and start paying your rent. Everybody else lives in the real world. It's not that hard.

--Everyone: Stop using the word "literally" when you actually mean the exact opposite. It drives me figuratively crazy.

--Also Everyone: Speaking of grammar, the word "your" is a pronoun indicating possession. "You're" is a contraction of the words "you" and "are." It's a noticeable distinction. Stop ignoring it.

--Guy at Work: Back off the cologne a little. Let's say eight sprays per day is enough.

--Racists: Give it a rest already.

--Homophobes: Give it a rest already.

--Charities: Send me less mail. The amount of money you've spent on postage sending me all your pleas for more donations has definitely exceeded the amount of any actual donations I've made to you.

--Prince William: You are rich and have access to the most advanced medical care in the world. Do something about your hairline.


"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -Queen Oprah

That is all. Until next year.

Are You Sure It's the Thought That Counts?

I worked in the jewelry department at Macy's for a little while after college. I actually really liked it since I spent most of my time there trying on the diamonds. (I also got a fantastic discount.)

One day my manager, Katie, told me she'd be attending a destination wedding and would need to be gone for a week. She asked me to help out with a few things while she was away, like time sheets and inventory counts. Those things only took about twenty minutes, so I happily obliged.

When she returned from her vacation, Katie pulled me aside. "I just wanted to thank you for helping me out while I was gone," she said. "I got you this gift card for Target."

"Aw, Katie. You didn't have to do that," I said because that is what people say to be nice.

But you know what her response was?

"Okay. I'll keep it."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Minnesota etiquette dictated that you always decline things the first time they're offered to you. Then the other person insists, and you graciously accept, but only after you make sure it's not too much trouble.

Katie totally blew right past all that. I was shocked. And a little bit sad because I really wanted that gift card.

Deer Santa...

Merry Christmas!