Sunday, December 30, 2012

Scottish Carols Are Everybody's Favorite

With the year's end quickly approaching, I'm tempted to look inside myself and identify areas that I strive to improve in 2013. That sounds hard. Instead I'll think about changes that other people should make.

--Lindsay Lohan: Get it together. Cool it on the coke, get a job at a bank or something, and start paying your rent. Everybody else lives in the real world. It's not that hard.

--Everyone: Stop using the word "literally" when you actually mean the exact opposite. It drives me figuratively crazy.

--Also Everyone: Speaking of grammar, the word "your" is a pronoun indicating possession. "You're" is a contraction of the words "you" and "are." It's a noticeable distinction. Stop ignoring it.

--Guy at Work: Back off the cologne a little. Let's say eight sprays per day is enough.

--Racists: Give it a rest already.

--Homophobes: Give it a rest already.

--Charities: Send me less mail. The amount of money you've spent on postage sending me all your pleas for more donations has definitely exceeded the amount of any actual donations I've made to you.

--Prince William: You are rich and have access to the most advanced medical care in the world. Do something about your hairline.

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -Queen Oprah

That is all. Until next year.

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