I Missed That Episode of the Patty Duke Show

Apparently twins are circus freaks and need to be investigated by professionals, so since we were nine, my sister Amy and I have participated in the University of MN Twin Study. Every few years, they would arrange for our family to come down to Minneapolis and spend the day at the university.

Half the day was spent being interviewed where we were asked every single question about every single topic ever. The other half of the day was spent in the lab, which was definitely more fun. We wore brainwave caps and then performed different tasks so they could measure our brain activity. I always found it all very interesting.

There was just one part that was a little bit Clockwork Orange-like. We had to sit in a chair, facing a screen, wearing headphones, with a button under our thumbs. On the screen was a countdown from ten to zero. The idea was to press the button when the countdown hit one, but before it hit zero. If you missed it, the worst sound in the world was blasted really loudly through your headphones.

Sometimes, the numbers on the screen would turn red. Then it didn't matter if you pressed the button or not. You were going to get the noise either way. And that part was incredibly anxiety inducing. I'm not a scientist or anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm lucky I didn't get electrocuted from all the fear sweat I got on the electrodes.

Did PBS Damage Me Psychologically?

I didn't get to watch a lot of Mr. Rogers when I was little. I guess my mom found him unbearably annoying, so we weren't really allowed to watch it. All I can remember about the few episodes I did see is that there was some sort of a puppet king and he was terrifying. Like, I recall getting really anxious when I knew the trolley was approaching the king's stop along the route.

As an adult I also found the king from Burger King terrifying. Those commercials were straight up unsettling. The stuff of nightmares, practically.

I must have some deep rooted phobia that's carried through from my childhood. Unfortunately, I don't really have a lot of experience in animated kings beyond those two, so this can't really be verified. But just to be safe, I'm going to align with my mom against Mr. Rogers. I don't care if he is dead. Wait, he's dead, right?

Oops. It's a Boy.

Today marks the three year anniversary that the boyfriend and I got our dog. Like a lot of children, he was mostly the result of a very drunk night.

Yeah, well you're adopted!

We were with some friends at this rodeo that we go to almost every year. (Shut up, it's awesome.) At this rodeo there was a woman who was selling a litter of puppies. And I was already pretty drunk when I saw them, so I was immediately obsessed and couldn't leave them alone.

Since I had been missing from the rest of the group for a while, the boyfriend came looking for me. When he found me, I scooped up the cutest puppy and ran over to him.

"Give that lady a hundred dollars," I told him. "This is our dog now."

The puppy was f-ing adorable and the boyfriend was also pretty drunk by then, so he obliged. And that is how we accidentally got a dog when we were drunk at a rodeo. Even though this was about one week after we had talked about getting a dog but determined we weren't mature enough for that kind of responsibility.